Wednesday, April 25, 2007
11:04 PM
This week has not been the best.
Two entered my life once again, caught me by surprise. I wonder why, how, fuck this is bad, shit. Yeaps all possible words from my vocabulary. Then I realised today was the 25 April. How exciting.
One caught me by surprise and came back into my life. We need a chapter close for good. The other, was I glad to actually not see for eyons. But that bitterness came not from my feelings, it came from the actions. Things does not change does it, just like how I still pull out that ciggarette and lit it. Inhale deep and came out with a rush.
Disgusted? A strong word to use. Realisation was the word.
Is it not easy to get back to the old lifestyle rather than stay and move on with the current one. The thought struck me. I love that old lifestyle, actually never happier. Yet I am now in this lifestyle that changed subtly, not the same happiness I felt, But another type of happiness. Which should I choose. I am still pondering. Yet the steps taken was not easy, to let it all go once again, a waste it is. A tremendous event.
If my old lifestyle gets that amount of judgement, this current lifestyle would not make a difference. Actually the judgements increased.
Seriously, there are tons of idiots out there who have a woman's mouth. One that never stop bitching, never stop gossiping, never stop twisting tales, like a typical housewife who spends their time on the phone gossiping about other women in the neighbourhood. Nice analogy really. :)
I am just being cynical. Forgive me, sometimes a dosage of this keeps me alive. To know I am still in the game.
Sometimes, I am really prepare to give it all up and let go. But at the end of the day, there seems to be something that pulls me back. I have no idea what.
Maybe it is God. He always does things through his weird ways. I am afraid Ill walk out again.
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